Nosh it

July 25, 2008

I’ve worked with some first-class prima donnas in my day, but this guy has them all beat:

One of Britain’s leading restaurant critics has been left red faced after an obscene 1,000-word email rant he sent to his editors emerged on the internet.

Their crime? Changing a single word in one of his reviews.

Giles Coren, son of the humourist Alan Coren, was angry that his phrase “where to go for a nosh” had been replaced with “where to go for nosh”, with the penultimate word removed.
[. . .]
“There is no length issue. This is someone thinking: ‘I’ll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate c*** and I know best’,” he wrote in an email to four of his sub-editors. “Well, you f****** don’t.”

[. . .]

“I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you’ve f****** stripped it out like a p***** Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking jesus looks s*** with a bear (sic) so plastering over it.

“You might as well have removed the whole paragraph. I mean, f****** christ, don’t you read the copy?”

“Can’t you hear that it is wrong? It’s not f****** rocket science. It’s f****** pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. F***. F***, f***, f***.”

Yeah, I can’t tell you how many of my brilliant pieces have been just absolutely ruined by those f****** unstressed syllables. The funny thing is — if I understand my UK slang — “nosh” or “a nosh” either one would work in a sexual way. (WARNING: material may be offensive to some.)


4 Responses to “Nosh it”

  1. Harl Delos Says:

    I think the difference is sorta like “going to the head” and “getting head”.

    If you’re going for a nosh, it’s nutritional. If you’re going for nosh, it’s, uh, “recreational”.

    A good editor is a pearl of great price; he makes you look better than you are.

    A clumsy editor turns you into a lout, an idiot, a liar, and a fool. I never wrote a 1000-word rant to one, but….

  2. Bob G. Says:

    With those f**** words deleted, I could f***** SWEAR you’ve been watching Chef Gordon Ramsay on f**** BBC America, yes?



  3. gadfly Says:

    So this reminds me of the fight about JFK’s ‘Ich bin ein Berliner” speech which progressives from Wikipedia-land and Snopes declare to be perfectly gramatical German.

    Many writers over the years have declared that proper grammer would have been “Ich bin Berliner” and that the addition of the article “ein” turned the meaning. Germans, it seems, have a jellied donut pastry called a Berliner.

  4. Harl Delos Says:

    Sorta like the difference between “I am Danish” and “I am a Danish”.

    Victor Borge told audiences that Lyndon Johnson had declared him a great Dane.

    But in this case, it’s a little different. It’s as if the newspaper took a picture of women who hooked rag rugs, selling them to benefit the church and ran a big headline announcing that the preacher’s wife was the leader of a group of hookers.

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