Keep it private, OK?

August 6, 2008

I first decided to link to this because of the outrageousness of getting arrested for being nude in your own house. This guy was arrested because police “saw him standing naked in the window of his home.”

So I did some quick online research of nudity laws and found that they vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction on “public” indeceny on your own property. Generally, the law seems not to care if you’re just casually walking around naked. But if your intent is something other than just being natural, there’s a problem. Indiana’s law conforms to that distinction. It’s illegal to be “in a state of nudity” in “other than a public place” if your intent is “to be seen by persons other than invitees and occupants.” So, parade around your house with your naked, sassy butt all day long, but don’t hang it out the window.

After all, of that, I finally read through the entire article I was linking to and came across this:

Together, with another responding officer, the two walked up to the home and found the naked man, then on the couch, conducting a lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil.

The man, Ronald Miller, did not acknowledge the officer’s presence until they addressed him and still did not say anything.

Well, OK, the man is an exhibitionist and a nut. Lock him up. A claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil? I’ve always thought I had a pretty good imagination, but what he could have possibly been doing elewds me.

UPDATE: Well, now we know (third item). Thanks, Alex. Without your comment, I might have gone hours and hours without having that image stuck in my head.

6 Responses to “Keep it private, OK?”

  1. Doug Says:

    Reminds me of a line in the old Infocom text adventure computer game, “Leather Goddesses of Phobos”

    “A number of hideous experiments fill this room. Their obvious purpose: studies of the human anatomy, especially those parts rarely referred to in the New York Times. A pathetic-looking human is the current subject; however, even an author as fond of lascivious detail as this one would hesitate to describe it even in LEWD mode, except to mention that it involves a lot of lubricants, some plastic tubing, and a yak.”

  2. Bob G. Says:

    Well, the guy DOES live in MY part of the city…that should tell you something as to the “flotsam” we live among…

    They never lock them up…they just ship ’em all down HERE…(typical)

    As to the hammer, motor oil and plastic bag????
    (wonder if the oil was a “seasonal” blend like 20W50?)

    Man, that’s got even ME stumped…but I got a really bad visual of that scene just as well.
    Bet those officers are STILL laughing about that one…I know I would be.


  3. tim zank Says:

    Sounds like he would be a prime candidate for Mayor of San Francisco. I’ll bet this guy seperates his trash!

  4. Bob G. Says:

    LMAO….bet he separates a LOT more than his trash, Tim!


  5. alex Says:

    Just saw the News-Sentinel’s news brief on the subject. Amazing — the only news outlet in town that’s leaving nothing to the imagination.

  6. Harl Delos Says:

    She also said in the report, “He’s not right.”

    Sounds like she’s claiming expertise. The reporter could have followed up on this and discovered, for the rest of us, what the correct type of hammer to use. Probably have won a Wurlitzer prize for the story.

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